It’s late. I take a deep breath. In this quiet moment I let the tears flow. I prefer to cry alone. I’m authentic in this moment. The fear is real. The moment is surreal. I feel gratitude for the moments I have left. “One breath at a time” I say when it’s just us. A reminder to us both. I play music, … Continue reading The Quiet
I know the term low grade fever is used when describing someone having a fever that is not dangerous. I feel like these last few months I have had a low-grade depression, because I am functional, I go to work, I make an effort to be sociable for the most part. But the solitude that I normally cherish and value and find satisfaction is not … Continue reading Low grade depression?
I have started and erased a few rants this month. I have considered adding a new category to my site called “Uncensored and Unfiltered” Continue reading Uncensored and Unfiltered?
Te Amo Mami Continue reading Te Amo Mami
Everyone comes into my life for a reason. Continue reading Thank You For Entering
If you are fortunate enough to live where nature reminds you of the changing seasons, you will likely see the leaves on the trees transforming into a beautiful array of oranges, yellows, and reds right about now. I miss that now that I do not live in the Pacific Northwest. Don’t get me wrong, I love Southern California, and wouldn’t change that anytime soon. However, … Continue reading Seasons Are Changing
I love music. I love what it makes me feel. I love how I feel. I think it is a way for me to get lost, without having somewhere to go. I give control to the song, to the lyrics. I am at the mercy of the artist. I am at the mercy of their story. It is easier to live someone else’s life than my own. I have to be responsible for … Continue reading Random Fear
I have always said I am an addict, or more accurately I have an addictive personality. What does that really mean? Why do I insist on believing this untruth? I am nothing I do not want to be. Why do I live in the things I do not want to live in? I am the master of my world. I am the master of my universe. I am, I am, I am… … Continue reading Open, Empty, GO!
A friend and I once discussed “Drinking the Red Kool-Aid”. I was reflecting on how I do not just go along with things because someone says it is what should be done. I was commenting on how most people are told by someone they respect, a parent, a spiritual leader, or a political leader for example, and they agree and drink the proverbial Red Kool-Aid. Where I always … Continue reading Red Kool-Aid
How long would it take to feel alone in a room full of people you love and care for? Who also love and care for you, but cannot understand you. Continue reading Sister of Pain
I have reached a crossroads of sorts in my emotional life. Or more accurately I have changed paths at the latest crossroads. As of late I find myself being happy with who I am. It had been a while since I felt true happiness. What I mean, is that I believe there are two types of happiness. The superficial, or maybe it is not superficial, … Continue reading Creative Happiness
In K-Pop when an artist releases new music, they are said to have a “comeback”. I have been absent here for a minute or 4 years (but who is counting), that makes this post my “comeback “. I am a fan of a handful of K-Pop artists and groups that I stumbled upon in my adventures in escapism. About 3 years ago, I was binge … Continue reading K-Pop In My Pocket
I escape. Escapism is my best friend. The media of choice changes, but the desired effect and end result is always the same. Sudden change, well if I am being honest… any change to a degree, is difficult for me. The negative effect of change afflicts me at the deepest level of who I am. I imagine it was a childhood trauma, probably around 2 … Continue reading Escape
I woke up stuck for the third day in a row, or the fifth or is it the sixth? I have been stuck in writing, stuck in things of life, stuck in thought patterns, just STUCK. Reading is my mode of escapism I use to tolerate the “stuck days” but even that has been failing me because I have been so ADD. Not being able to … Continue reading Sixx, Is This Gonna Hurt?
Gray morning shields the summer sun, no songbirds heard. Commitments exist. Continue reading Gray
I unintentionally made an “affirmation scroll” today. It started as a treatment (prayer), but as I poured my thoughts and feelings onto the paper, it kept getting longer and longer. When my heart and soul agreed on a stopping point, I assessed the final product, and had two pages of tightly squeezed words. This time I elected to use graph paper instead of lined paper, … Continue reading “I Just Called to Say I Love You”
It has been five years since I was part of the Machine that makes the world go round. I have to re-enter the workforce and have been trying for a while with little success. I have taken a step back and looked at this from a metaphysical perspective and believe that this has been due to my indecision. I have not been able to define … Continue reading “Five Years Dead”
The Christ I knew as a child is not the Christ I know now. I did not have the fortune of learning of Jesus of Nazareth; instead, I studied about Jesus Christ the Savior. Jesus Christ the Savior who would be killed because of MY sin filled soul! I would have much rather been introduced to Jesus of Nazareth first. I could have related to … Continue reading “Church of the Poison Mind”
Shhh... my Soul is talking, listen. 