I woke up stuck for the third day in a row, or the fifth or is it the sixth? I have been stuck in writing, stuck in things of life, stuck in thought patterns, just STUCK. Reading is my mode of escapism I use to tolerate the “stuck days” but even that has been failing me because I have been so ADD. Not being able to read was only making me feel more stuck, if that is even possible. Frustrating much?!? This morning, unexpected, Nikki Sixx walked into my head, pulled up a chair and sat. He just sat there waited on me, and it made me wonder, is getting unstuck gonna hurt?
Sixx (unbeknownst to him) is my mentor on multiple levels of my reality, and has been since I was 10 years old. A 10-year-old girls obsession on a drug addled rock star is a notion that is difficult to explain without rummaging in my childhood/adolescence closet. I keep the closet under dead bolt, with top of the line 24/7 security and I am not opening it today, however, I mention it to give a point of reference. A couple of years or so ago, Sixx said something or another that I did not agree with, and I kicked him off the pedestal I had put him on. The combination of the fall out, and not yet seeing a show on Motley Crue’s “The Final Tour”, in addition to hating the third Sixx: A.M. album, have attributed to Sixx not setting up camp in my head for almost two years.
However, today he just strutted into my mind, and being the stubborn dude he is, he refused to leave. I finally caved in and figured it was time to stop judging him for some stupid thing he said in a moment of passing. I mean really, it is not as if I do not say stupid things that I do not pay the slightest attention to, which might make someone, say “damn she is such a poser.” The thing about having Sixx in my head is, he does not always actually say something to move me. He just shows up, and at times that is my cue to do something. When Sixx emerges it means it is time for me to do something, to do anything, even if it is wrong, just move, just do, just act, but not allow myself to stay stuck.
I finally pulled up a chair and said, now what Sixx? Surprisingly, this time he really did want to talk. When Sixx published This Is Gonna Hurt in 2011, I signed up for Audible.com because I read that he would be the one reading the audio version. I have not read or listened to the book since 2012, and off the top of my head, I could not remember what part of his life he shared in it. Today, I found my way to the audio version of This is Gonna Hurt. As I have done for 30+ years, Sixx is talking and I am listening. This time around, his words have not catapulted me into life changing decisions, just yet. His words do remind me of the things I have accomplished by following his example and remembering those things seems to be stirring ways to get unstuck.
Nikki Sixx has two books, both with accompanying albums from Sixx: A.M., the first is The Heroin Diaries: A Year in the Life of a Shattered Rock Star, which is exactly what it the title says. The second one is This Is Gonna Hurt: Music, Photography and Life Through the Distorted Lens of Nikki Sixx, and it gives a peek into the life and mind of a 50-something creative artist. Sixx has stories to cover a couple of lifetimes, and he has done things most of us will not do. Therefore, you do not have to be a Motley Crue fan or Nikki Sixx fan to find some merit in his stories. I encourage you to pick up his second book, the first one is heavy and very dark, and I only recommend it if you can handle heart twisting true-life stories. As for the music, if you like rock and roll, I recommend the first two Sixx: A.M. albums [Heroin Diaries Soundtrack and This is Gonna Hurt]
I had to take a momentary pause in writing to go listen to Skin by Sixx: A.M. and now I have to go finish listening to what Sixx has to say. My refresher course on This Is Gonna Hurt is, if nothing else an escapism. I have to wonder if it indeed is to serve to distract me until I get unstuck, or maybe it is the key to getting me unstuck. Maybe, this is the Universe telling me that I should at least unlock the dead bolt to the previously mentioned closet, even if I am not ready to open the door now. That way when I become unstuck, it will be a quick turn of the knob, and a flood of stories will pour out; stories that will keep you onboard until I write that novel I keep inferring at. Who knows, maybe the closet has a novel all its own.
As always, Thank you for your time. I welcome comments and feedback, and there are plenty of ways to go about it. If you want a one-on-one, just send me a message and we can take the conversation offline.