A friend and I once discussed “Drinking the Red Kool-Aid”.  I was reflecting on how I do not just go along with things because someone says it is what should be done.  I was commenting on how most people are told by someone they respect, a parent, a spiritual leader, or a political leader for example, and they agree and drink the proverbial Red Kool-Aid.  Where I always question things, but not just a normal “why do I need to drink the Red Kool-Aid?”  No, I have to know why not Lemonade, or water, or soda, why must it be the Red one, why not the purple?  Furthermore, I want to know what is in the Kool-Aid.  Why is it important to drink it?  What are the implications if I do or do not drink it?  Who will take responsibility if something goes wrong if I choose to drink the Kool-Aid?  I imagine if someone truly were standing in front of me with said Kool-Aid, they would buckle under my barrage of questions, and move on to the next person on the list and count me as a lost cause.

Remembering the Kool-Aid conversation brought me to a memory of a more recent conversation I had with a different friend.  This friend had posed a question, which if I understood correctly was intended to get to know me better.   What my poor friend did not realize when posing the question was that to me it was very much along he same vain as the “Drink this Kool-Aid” question.  Meaning it was a prescribed question with a specific answer or set of answers expected.  Where as my brain said, “STOP” and question the question, others may have just followed the prompt.  Therefore, I proceeded to get clarification on the question.  In response, my friend said something along the lines of “you already failed because you chose to question the question oppose to just answering it”.

What this did for me is remind me yet again that I think differently than my friend and most people I know.  It also made it clear that I am a different person than the one my friend remembers me to be.  Possibly a more accurate assessment could be that I am a different person than the public face I chose in the past and choose in the present to show this friend.

Sometime ago I chose to stop judging myself for being so inquisitive and accept that I am by design this way.  In that same conversation this friend questioned, what I was trying to prove by being so inquisitive.  When he asked this of me, my mind could not reach a conclusion, but the question stuck with me and even though I have taken time to reflect on it I still have not come up with an answer other than I am not trying to prove anything, rather this is just the way I am.  I am always expanding my mind by being curious and asking “Why?”  I am still pondering why something that feels natural, real and normal to me is perceived as possibly inauthentic and done to prove something.

I leave you with this thought.  Do you have aspects of yourself, that you feel are part of who you truly are, that make others question your nature or your authenticity?  If so, how do you feel about it?  Does it bother you?  Do you feel indifferent?