It has been five years since I was part of the Machine that makes the world go round. I have to re-enter the workforce and have been trying for a while with little success. I have taken a step back and looked at this from a metaphysical perspective and believe that this has been due to my indecision. I have not been able to define what purpose a run of the mill job will serve. I do not want to be stuck in an 8am-5pm job with a 45 min commute that does not fulfill any other purpose but to make a living. I would become bored in a matter of days, or weeks at most. I have had apprehension about choosing the wrong job and being stuck in a jobby-job that I will be bored with in weeks and possibly hate in a matter of months. It is no wonder I am unable to manifest a job at all.

As of late, due to the divorce I have been forced to make decisions that otherwise I would not have to deal with. Although, I would much rather not be facing all these life changing decisions, it has allowed me to wake up from the five-year work slumber I have been in. I have a clearer picture of what my ideal job could be, and the role it will play in my dreams and aspirations. I am in the process of figuring out where writing will fit into that picture.

Until this week, I had seen my soon-to-be full-blown commercially successful kick-ass writing career as a separate creature from my ideal job. I think this was because in an ideal job, I am working for someone and not self-employed. Working for a company allows me to not have to deal with the pain-in-the-butt employment rules and regulations that need to be followed and/or met in order to be gainfully employed in the good ol’ US-of-A.

The reality is that the ideal job and my writing are indeed two separate entities. However, I am starting to see that they do not have to be strangers to one another. They can exist, side by side, and maybe even hand in hand. I am in the process of visualizing them as sisters of sorts. Recently, a friend of mine suggested that I contemplate a career writing for TV or Film, which I had not really considered. That means I must clarify a vision that involves one career existing in the entertainment world, working for an international company, while the other career exists in the publishing world, working for myself.  I had to throw “international” in there because I have added moving to London to one of my goals, but I will elaborate on that some other day.

I have discovered that I need to be meaningfully challenged in my work and/or career in order to maintain an interest in it. This makes perfect sense when I consider the fact that I know nothing about the TV/Film world or the publishing world. I am proposing that at 42 yrs. old, I walk blindly into two industries that require years of commitment to be commercially successful or profitable. Why would I? Because the endeavor is a huge challenge, and the learning curve is steep.

I grew up not knowing I had learning disabilities, so many things that should have been straightforward were a huge challenge. I think that overcoming huge challenges became part of who I am. I get bored and lose passion for things when they become easy. Learning this fact about me has put into perspective many of the decisions I made over the last 20 years. In turn this knowing is allowing me to stop beating myself up over my perceived bad decisions.

As I write this, it is becoming clear that this knowing can help dissolve the apprehension of choosing an interim jobby-job here in San Diego. I have to get over the fact that it literally is an interim job, because a job in the entertainment industry requires I move back to Hollywood. I have to admit that I love it when I am writing and the process of dumping my thoughts brings clarity to things.

As always, thank you for reading, and if you can spare a minute or two please leave me a comment. I would love advise, insight or feedback from you.

~Laura

Five Years Dead is a song by Motley Crue from their 1987 album Girls, Girls, Girls.